Necessary Delusions

"The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid." --Richard Bach
     Humans have a natural tendency to create delusions in which we submerse ourselves out of pure necessity. Some delusions, like the belief that everyone is inherently good and should be given the benefit of the doubt, are harmless. Hence, the "innocent until proven guilty" concept within our criminal justice system.
     Another example, children believe their parents are infallible. This delusion is generally dispelled during a certain stage in the child's development and the parents are exposed as normal people who make mistakes, like everyone else.
    Delusions become troublesome when our inability to recognize the truth prevents us from experiencing positive change. A young wife, may believe her husband is completely committed to the marriage and resistant to any possibility of infidelity. This is a necessary and beneficial delusion for most marriages, otherwise we would all be paranoid and obsessively jealous partners. If a time comes when evidence to the contrary surfaces, then continuing to prescribe to the delusion becomes hazardous.
     We often create these beliefs as a method of defense against potential pain or suffering. It's far more pleasant to believe that world peace is an idea worth pursuing, than to spend your life convinced it's unattainable, so why bother.
    We are constantly prompted with messages telling us that anything is possible if we only believe, despite the fact that there are indeed some tasks which are actually impossible. Just try and make two objects occupy the same space, on an atomic level of course. I dare you. It's not Physic-ally possible.
    So which delusions should we rebel against? Those which paralyze us, stunt our emotional or psychological growth, or imprison us.
   Change is inevitable, an undeniable fact. To belief differently is paralyzing. If we believe our current status, (i.e. I'm popular. I'm invisible. I'm rich. I'm poor. etc...) is a permanent state of being, we become complacent or discouraged, depending on the perception of the status as being positive or negative, to take action to affect change.
   Immortality is not a human characteristic. All things end, the good and the bad. Does this mean we shouldn't enjoy the good while it lasts? Absolutely not! Cherish the happy moments, Treasure the blessings in life. Make note of the wonderful memories. If we keep a realistic and honest outlook, accepting that at any moment something wonderful could come to a sudden halt, we are more likely to thoroughly enjoy and remember the pleasant moments. Growth comes with experiencing something new and adapting, adjusting, or making modifications in order to move forward.
   No one has actual control over anyone else. The belief that others control our lives in some way, is a common unhealthy belief. There are those who have a significant amount of influence or "power" over others, but control, in and of itself, is an illusion. Choices may be limited sometimes and there are those who live in extreme circumstances which feel as if others are very much in control. Even then, we all have choices about what we think, what we believe, and how we react. Choices come with consequences, and we often choose to believe that the potential consequence for a given action is an unacceptable risk. It is in these moments we become imprisoned by our delusions and become convinced we are powerless to change our lives.
   What delusions exist in your life that are holding you back?
     You are not powerless.
     You have the choice to hope when others may try to convince you that something you want or need is an improbable or impossible outcome.
     You have the choice to be courageous in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles when others might be crippled with fear.
     You have the choice to believe in yourself and your ability to affect positive change in the lives of others and your own when the negative forces around you appear to be unstoppable.
   Are these delusions? Well, a delusion is a strong belief one holds, which is contradictory to fact or overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Short answer, yes, these are technically delusions. However, they are helpful, positive, and in my opinion, necessary delusions.

Living Like You're Dying

The message, "live like you're dying" can be found in song lyrics, poems, movies, and literature everywhere. But, how many of us actually give credence to the concept? Occasionally, in the face of tragedy, we stop and take stock of all we have been blessed with in this life and may even make the effort, for a while, to pay close attention to the simple joys in life. Then, it's back to life as usual, carrying on our normal routines.
What if you were told you only had a short time left in this world? What would you change? Recently, someone very dear to me, came face-to-face with how precious and fragile life really is. That experience has caused me to re-evaluate some things in my own life.
Since there are no guarantees of tomorrow, I have decided to shift my perception and to start making some changes in my own life. If I were to discover that my days here were numbered, there are quite a few things I'd begin doing differently. So, why wait? Why not make the changes now? If we all stopped to figure out what is truly important in our lives and focus on the areas we value most, imagine how much richer life would be.
Don't wait until you have no choice. Make the commitment to begin living every day as if there were no more tomorrows. Start small at first, then build up to the significant changes. Or, make the major changes first, then work on the little things. Whichever direction you choose, don't stop. We can't change our past. We have no promises of a future. We can change today! Catch up with an old friend. Thank someone you often take for granted, for their time and effort. Hug someone special. Start a journal of stories you want to share with your friends or family. Take more photos and print them. Reach out to someone who is having a rough day. Return emails and phone calls. Don't use "maybe". Take 10 minutes to be alone and think kind thoughts about yourself. Ask for what you need. Give what you can.
And most importantly, Love with all your heart, even when you're afraid of being hurt.

Betrayal and Forgiveness

  Most of us are familiar with the common definition of betrayal. A close friend betrays us by sharing information shared in confidence. A significant other betrays us by stepping out of the relationship and becoming intimate with someone else. A sibling betrays us by telling a parent about an indiscretion after promising to keep quiet.
  But there's another kind of betrayal that strikes so swiftly and deeply we may feel we will never recover. I'm referring to the betrayal of a loved one who commits a hideous wrong against one of your own. The pain can be so intense that it shakes the very foundation on which our faith in humankind was built. When someone we love viciously harms another of our loved ones the effects can be devastating.
  How do we reconcile this kind of betrayal? We can choose our friends. We can choose our partners. We can choose our actions so we deny others the power to betray us by revealing information about us. We cannot choose our families or their behavior.
  I have discovered, through painful reflection, that the answer is simple and complicated all in one. The answer? Forgiveness. I don't mean forgetting the wrong that has been done or excusing it. It's deeper than that. True forgiveness is a personal choice and a remarkable gift.
  First, accept the situation as reality and a part of the past. It cannot be undone. Acknowledge your feelings about the situation. Are you angry, hurt, disappointed, saddened, all of the above? By acknowledging the feelings, you give them freedom to be released from your heart so they cannot hang around to burden you.
  Second, accept that you have zero control over the behavior of others. You may have the ability to influence certain people in your life, but the only person you can control is yourself. Once you accept this, you can release any self-blame or guilt you carry as a result of someone else's choices. If you feel there is something more you could have done, use that for future reference, but stop beating yourself up for the past. You can't go back.
  Finally, practice the act of forgiveness everyday. Start by forgiving yourself when you make a mistake. Humans, by default, will make mistakes. These are learning opportunities, not failures. Once you feel you've mastered forgiving yourself, extend this skill toward others. Forgive small at first, until you feel comfortable. Then, forgive those who have committed the seemingly unforgivable acts. Its sounds easy, right? Believe it or not, it can be. But it will take some practice.
  Here are a few suggestions for ways to practice forgiveness:
       "I accept my mistake. I understand how I can approach similar situations differently in the future. I forgive myself for what I've done."
      "I accept that you made a mistake, that you are human and therefore fallible, and I forgive you."
      "I don't understand why you made the choice you did, but it's not my job to judge you, and I forgive your mistake."
      "Your action/s caused pain to someone I love. While I accept this as unchangeable, I choose to forgive your behavior and release this burden I'm carrying."'
  Genuine forgiveness is for the giver, not the receiver. You may find yourself in a situation where the receiver is not available or you are not comfortable or safe addressing the person directly. That's okay. You can forgive someone in your heart without ever coming face to face with that person. The key is to let go of the anger, bitterness, and pain that can only be released through honest forgiveness.
  As difficult as it may be in the beginning, forgiveness can become a useful and powerful tool in your personal toolbox. You can't undo the wrong, but you can release the heavy chains of fear and resentment you're carrying around. To forgive is to heal. Without it, the wound only festers and becomes toxic to your soul.

Tweet Dreams ya'll!

I have joined the techie revolution and obtained a Twitter account. Blog posts, tweets, status updates? When shall I find time to sleep? Hmmm? Guess I'll have to shorten my shower time and have one less f2f convo a day. Yep! That oughta do it.
If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, feel free.... @akaBellaMorgan
Oh yeah. I have created a pseudonym for my alter ego, the writer. I'd like to introduce you to Isabella Morgan. She's gonna be famous someday ya know?   ;o)

Gotta Circle It First

Over the last 15 years I have developed a rather odd condition. As a general rule now, whenever I am going somewhere for the first time I end up circling the location before I arrive at my destination. The most recent occurence of this phenomenon happened while my kids and I were attempting to leave the parking lot of the DFW airport. Even though I was given directions to exit the airport and connect to the highway I needed to access, I still managed to circle the entire rental car area only to end up in the same spot at which I had started. I then realized I had not followed the directions I had been given. This scenario was a classic example of neglecting to pay close attention to detail.
I'm sure we are all guilty of only half-listening when someone is atttempting to convey a message. It's too easy to be distracted by other thoughts or concerns, so we tune out part of what is being said. Active listening is a skill that needs to be practiced and improved upon constantly. So don't develop my illness. Take the time to really listen to the messages in your life and avoid having to circle it first.